Nevertheless, She Persisted.

I haven't been around lately.

In writing that first sentence, I was simply thinking about not having written here in a couple of weeks, but just as I started typing, it occurred to me that it was also true on at a very macro level. I haven't been around lately.

I've been stuck in this gloomy, stagnant, apathetic funk lately. I'm not quite sure how it started, but I'm finally at the point where I'm frustrated with myself. At 40, I've grown to learn my patterns, to recognize them, and to want to change them. The bad ones, anyway.

Worldly goings on might be somehow playing a small (subconscious even) roll in sending me off to the doldrums. Here are some of the things from the past couple of weeks:

Of course I'm not quite sure if I can blame it all on the aforementioned goings on. Sometimes life just cracks you open and sits back to watch you scramble to retrieve all of your insides and put them back in order. I think that's about where I'm at in my spiral-pattern — I've retrieved all my stuffs, now I go about the business of putting myself all back in.

The stuffs never quite get back in the exact same way. But they get in.