how dark is dark?
The past month or so has been hell. About a week before I left for D.C. to compete in the Nation’s Triathlon, I found a lump in my boob.
A noticeable lump. One that I’d never felt before. (This is where I admit that it’d been probably over two years since the last time I gave myself a boob exam).
So when the doctor was all, “we’ve got to schedule a biopsy.” I was all, “we’ll have to do it in three weeks because I just HAVE to do this triathlon...”
I’m not gonna lie. In those three weeks, I felt oblivious to my “condition.” Friends would ask how I felt and in truth, I felt weird that I couldn’t tell them how I felt. I think I was in denial. So. There’s a lump in my boob. Could be bad, could be nothing at all... an “I don’t want to think about it” kind of thing.
When the time came, I went in for my biopsy. I was completely one-hundred-percent stoic.
Even when I was pulled into a room where the nurse went over the entire procedure, along with the risks and asked me to sign the consent form: stoic.
But then she handed me a pamphlet to look over while I waited for the doctor.
"You will be called within 2 weeks by someone from the Breast Imaging Center to schedule an appointment with your Radiologist. You will be given the results of your breast biopsy. We recommend you bring someone with you when you come in for this appointment..."
That’s when I turned into a blubbering mess.
“WE RECOMMEND YOU BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU WHEN YOU COME IN FOR THIS APPOINTMENT.”
Like they're telling me, "it’s going to be bad and you’re gonna need some one there." I pictured me and... well, who would I bring? My husband? He’s at Ft. Hood for the next two months.
[Did I mention that Tim’s been in Ft. Hood since the beginning of September? So. Yeah. I’ve been single-mom-ing it, without any relief - no work to go to, or husband/significant other to
take it out on take over for me when I'm at my wit's end...]
I pulled it together just before the doctor came in.
The biopsy failed. Meaning they decided not to do the biopsy because the darn lump kept moving around and the ultrasound wasn’t helping out any. So I left with nothing more than a deep cut in my boob and an appointment to come back for an MRI biopsy.
Then we immediately left for Yosemite’s Half Dome.
When I came back, I had this great idea to establish a Project Runway themed fashion show during our local Fashion Week to benefit our local food bank. And I worked my little katush off trying to pull this thing off in just 2.5 weeks.
With a little help, I was able to pull that sucker off fairly successfully. But I’m not gonna lie... I think I turned grey during those three weeks - and not just in my eyebrow. It’s the weirdest thing - the people I thought I’d get support from offered none; however, I received tons from people that I had absolutely no relationships with - complete strangers... (just an observation).
In the midst of all this putting together a fashion show hoopla, I had to wear a Holter monitor to measure the electrical activity of my cardiovascular system. You see, right around the same time a found a lump in my boob, I was also feeling light-headed and nauseous. So I Googled the symptoms and there were three different ways to look at this. 1) Heart problem 2) Brain problem 3) No problem - just the result of my coming off my anti-depressants, quicker that I probably should have.
And because I have a family history of Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome, the doc decided that I should get to wear this contraption around my neck for a week.
No big deal.
Until it kept beeping at me and demanding that I charge its battery ALL. THE. TIME. I couldn’t go for a day trip (which I do frequently) without having to recharge the damn battery. I botched the the whole thing twice. The third time I just gave up and turned the thing in.
And as a testament as to how hard I must’ve been working my body and how stressed-out I was in those 2.5 weeks, immediately after the fashion show, I lost my voice. Then, on Saturday, I woke up with a violent sinus infection and tonsils the size of avocados. Late on Saturday, I was keeled over in excruciating pain - my very first middle ear infection, ever. On Sunday I contracted a bacterial conjunctivitis in both my eyes.
So yeah. I haven’t written a post in a while. And the posts that I have written pretty much suck balls. But it’s been a stellar two months all culminating in this trifecta sinus infection, ear infection, bacterial conjunctivitis fustercluck.
I think just started my period.