When Seeing Natalie Portman in STAR Magazine Is A Good Thing

My husband is almost never home. Let’s just say he gets to come home to play every blue moon (I hate clichés, but they work because they’re true). Some times, on extremely rare occasions—I’m talking as rare as the times that you’ll see Natalie Portman in Star magazine—he’ll be home to play and it’s not a blue moon! You (the reader) might expect that those are happy moments. But in truth, those are the times that are trying on a marriage.

FoReal, yo. Here’s why:

The once in a blue moon days you’re prepared for—you know he’ll be home so you plan out the day, etc. and you ignore all the annoying stuff (i.e. the not-so empty cereal bowl he leaves out on the table to dry into cement that ends up breaking your nail as you try to scrape off that stubborn piece of corn flake—btw, who knew that dried milk was such an obstinate adhesive? OR the papers, books, unopened mail, articles of clothing, etc. that he leaves around the house, without any regard to the clutter that they’re making. OR the chairs that don’t get pushed back in, or the toys that get scattered about… ). You ignore all this stuff on those once in a blue moon days because you know, YOU KNOW, that this one day, THIS. ONE. DAY. with your very charming, very handsome & very funny husband is all that you get, until the next blue moon.

BUT those Natalie Portman in Star magazine days? Those are very different. Those you’re not prepared for. Those days, creep in on your perfect schedule, your perfect routine, your perfectly perfect efficiency. And on those days, you don’t ignore all the annoying stuff, because… well, you know… they're ANNOYING!

That is the irony of being a resident’s spouse. You want to see your husband more than just once in a blue moon; but then when you do see your husband beyond the once in a blue moon... you’re annoyed.

This is why it is so trying on a marriage—I mean, beyond the fact that you never see your husband. If you get past that first hurdle (the never seeing your husband bit), this second one is just as hard.

Eventually, hopefully before you file for divorce, you realize that the Natalie Portman in Star magazine day is really just like the once in a blue moon day and that it's up to you to decide to give the man of your dreams a break, and adjust your expectations... then, life can be good again.

Real good.